The importance of time alone together

Sometimes you CAN judge a book by it’s cover. This one, tattered from years of rereading, was a gift I have treasured for 30 years.

Some may only know of Charles Lindbergh, the famous aviator. However, his wife, Anne Morrow Lindbergh, was a gifted writer. This little book, written on a two week retreat in the midst of her child rearing years, has been enjoyed by men and women for almost 60 years. Must be something there.

Whenever we packed for a vacation or getaway, this gem was the first to be included. Maybe my eagerness to read it again is why I forgot to pack underwear. More than once.

Each time I read this book, I found myself in a little different season in our family. Different phrases caught my attention, as if I’d never read them before.

Getting back to “just us two”

We have come through all the phases of a marriage, and find ourselves back at the beginning—the Double Sunrise, as Lindbergh calls it—just the two of us most days. Over morning coffee (Earl Grey tea for him), or wine, or walking the dogs, we are able to share our thoughts uninterrupted again. Sometimes, we just enjoy the quiet, fruit born from years of tending the vines of marriage.

How the table at home has grown! But sitting at a table alone opposite each other, what is there to separate one? Nothing but a coffee pot, corn muffins and marmalade. A simple enough pleasure, surely, to have breakfast alone with one’s husband, but how seldom married people in the midst of life achieve it. (Gift From The Sea, Anne Morrow Lindbergh).

In the crazy middle of marriage, it may seem impossible to find that pure relationship that was the beginning. But every couple can make it a priority to spend some time alone together, away from work, kids, everything, at least once or twice a year.

These times “alone together” aren’t meant to last forever, but can renew and refresh a marriage. Sleep in, do something playful, eat dessert first. It’s important to reconnect, just the two of you, to have the perspective needed to re-engage the spinning plates waiting when you get home.

One learns to accept the fact that no permanent return is possible to an old form of relationship; and, more deeply still, that there is no holding of a relationship to a single form This is not tragedy but part of the ever recurrent miracle of life and growth. All living relationships are in process of change, of expansion, and must perpetually be building themselves new forms. ( Gift From The Sea, Lindbergh)

[reminder]How often do you and your spouse make time “alone together”? How does your relationship change when you have time “alone together”?[/reminder]

[shareable text=”Surprise your spouse-plan some time alone together–this week. #goodmarriagechallenge”]The Good Marriage Project Challenge: Schedule time alone with your spouse—put it on the calendar—surprise him/her if you want, but SCHEDULE it. It doesn’t always have to be a getaway—just going to a coffee shop for 2 hours, with no agenda, is a great place to start.[/shareable]