A “Good” Good-Bye: Looking back in order to move forward

Here we are on the verge of a new year, and, like many, I find myself looking forward to new goals, habits, and accomplishments I want to achieve in 2017. Tempted to launch into my typical list-making mode, I caught myself this year and took a little different approach. I took the time to say “good-bye”.

Before you jump into new goals…

A few days ago, I found myself circling the Denver airport repeatedly as my husband got my sweet mother-in-law situated for her flight home. I slowly passed the departure drop-off, waiting as long as I could before security headed my way. I saw so many people saying goodbye — most with a quick hug, a high five, or a wave. Some of them may have been glad to be saying goodbye–too much time together under the guise of “happy family”. Who knows.

But one couple in particular caught my eye …I don’t know if it was a husband/wife, brother/sister, or good friends, but they hugged long, then stood close, grasping each other’s shoulders and looking at each other, exchanging words I couldn’t hear, but it was clear this was an important relationship. It seemed they didn’t want to rush the goodbye, maybe not knowing when they would see each other again (I sometimes make up stories —don’t judge me — it’s cheap entertainment!).

As I continued to circle, I began to reflect on the importance of a “good” goodbye. How often we lurch from one thing to the next, without really taking in the experience—be it good or hard. I began to think about what needed to be acknowledged, what I could learn from some of my experiences this past year, and what I needed to affirm as good.

Review the year

The mind is a funny thing. We are more likely to remember the things we HAVEN’T accomplished than the many things we DID finish. The perfectionist in me is all too guilty of focusing on the undone or the negative. So… I turned to my journal and reviewed the past year. It was a powerful exercise for 2 reasons.

What I almost missed

1. I was able to identify patterns that, at some level, I knew, but tended to minimize their effects. By naming the patterns that kept me from accomplishing more of what I SAID I wanted, I was able to create a plan that addressed these realities. We can’t change what we can’t acknowledge.

2. I was able to see that an overriding obligation this past year was the care of my mother, who was in the end stages of Alzheimer’s Disease. Though this was not a stated “goal” for 2016, it permeated my thoughts and plans. I beat myself up for not doing more in other areas, when I was actually doing what my heart had set out to do. It just hadn’t quite informed the performer part of my brain. She passed on November 5. I realized this had consumed far more energy than I could have imagined, yet I was grateful to have been able to love and care for her as I would want to be cared for. And that was a huge accomplishment, for which I had not given myself much credit.

I now feel ready to move forward with the dreams and goals that await me in 2017.

Travel lightly into the New Year, with a “good” goodbye to what is now past, and embrace the possibilities of today and tomorrow.

Action ideas:

1. Are you willing to look some regrets/mistakes in the eye and let go?
2. Has someone disappointed you? Are you willing to acknowledge and forgive?
3. Are you willing to be kind to yourself and let go of areas you didn’t succeed in or maybe didn’t even attempt? Look for patterns that were not helpful, and make plans that take these patterns into account.
4. Just as important as letting go is affirming the good. Look those successes in the eye and CELEBRATE the things you DID do well–

• Did you love those in your circle well?
• Did you remain faithful to your spouse?
• Did you remain faithful to your family commitments?
• Did you do something that made you proud, EVEN IF no one else recognized it?